Honestly, it's hard to be me. I live with lies and problems. I wake up with anxiety and I sleep with criticism. I have a lot of friends, but none of them are my REAL friend. I always act like I'm happy. I always act like I'm good. No one knows about my inside, about the real me, about the girl that always afraid of losing someone the she loves, about the girl that always force herself to fake smiles, about the girl who is perfect at twisting her reality life. No one really cares about me.

I hate it when people try to be nice with me when they always talk bad behind me. I hate it when I have to figure out something that is important to me at the last minute. I hate it when I look at them acting like that. I hate it when I always being left behind when they are gathering. I just hate everything.

Well yeah, you might be thinking; Dude, there are a lot of people facing worse problems than yours so stop bitching here, or Problems are the main reason why people smile because they finally knew how to solve it, or maybe Keep trying, you are still young. Fucking bullshits.

Yes, I do admit that I am not the only one who experience these shits. There are millions teenagers out there that are just the same like me. A perfect life person might say that I'm just like one of the characters from the TV; so full of dramas. You know what? Have you feel it? Have you ever feel this kind of too depressed feeling? No? So stop judging and stfu. Teenagers who are like me are easy enough being hurt by words. Do you know how they overcome it? They cried. Every. Single. Night. because no one is willing to hear their problems, to be there to give advice, or even lend a shoulder to cry on.

Another thing is, I don't understand my parents. Or maybe they don't understand me. Why? They always mad at me because I don't really spend time with them and I always lock myself in my room. But do you know? Do they ever ask me why I do that? NO. 'Cause when I try to talk to them, the very first sentence that will come out from their mouth is How's school? How's school?? Did they just ask me how's school???? If I could, I would tell them every single details about my problems at school but then Have you done studying? I bought you exercises books not for your room display okay and there goes my feet stepping annoyingly toward my room. Can you see that?

Wait what? Boyfriend? Heh. Can't even get myself a best friend but now we're talking about boyfriend? Yeah, right. I'm too easy to be tricked on, to be cheated on. They came, and they left. They thought that my heart is just like a fucking toy. You play and treat them with full of care, but when you got a new one, they just throw you away, not caring a shit. Hey, it wasn't my fault to be in love with them. And it wasn't their fault to be stupidly attracted to me. Shit happens, dude. But the one who always cry and heartbroken would always be me.

I don't write craps. This is the real me. This is my story. I'm just an author to the book of my life. I write memories, I write my thoughts, I write everything that happens around me. My problem is, I need to open a new book. I need to forget and erase all the memories that I've wrote. I need to be myself. I need to move on. Yeah, one day soon. I just hope I can close this old book and keep it safely in my heart.... or maybe not.

***

Sorry cos I didn't update with raya photos like what I promised in my last post. Promises are meant to be broken. Hah! Whatever. I'm just not in the mood today. My friends told me that they will raya together from one house to another so I was like "yeah my mom even suggested that you guys should come to my house" but they were like "uhh we will go to the other houses first but we can't confirm whether we go to your house or not" "i dont really understand the plan but oh well it's okay tho if you don't wanna come. i don't care. up to you guys." "let me make it clear. 10 am we will gather at nad's house and then we will start bla bla bla bla faham?" Seriously are you mad??? I just said that I didn't understand how the plan goes but she sent me the text like she was fucking mad at me for saying like that. Well fuck me, huh? All the rights go to her and all the wrongs come from me. Just great. I was just hoping for them to come to my house as well because my mom didn't get the chance to talk with them on last year's raya and also, I haven't once join them raya together because no one even bothers to INVITE me to celebrate raya with them before this. It's okay tho. Like what I said just now, no one really cares about me.

:)

Honestly, it's hard to be me. I live with lies and problems. I wake up with anxiety and I sleep with criticism. I have a lot of friends, but none of them are my REAL friend. I always act like I'm happy. I always act like I'm good. No one knows about my inside, about the real me, about the girl that always afraid of losing someone the she loves, about the girl that always force herself to fake smiles, about the girl who is perfect at twisting her reality life. No one really cares about me.

I hate it when people try to be nice with me when they always talk bad behind me. I hate it when I have to figure out something that is important to me at the last minute. I hate it when I look at them acting like that. I hate it when I always being left behind when they are gathering. I just hate everything.

Well yeah, you might be thinking; Dude, there are a lot of people facing worse problems than yours so stop bitching here, or Problems are the main reason why people smile because they finally knew how to solve it, or maybe Keep trying, you are still young. Fucking bullshits.

Yes, I do admit that I am not the only one who experience these shits. There are millions teenagers out there that are just the same like me. A perfect life person might say that I'm just like one of the characters from the TV; so full of dramas. You know what? Have you feel it? Have you ever feel this kind of too depressed feeling? No? So stop judging and stfu. Teenagers who are like me are easy enough being hurt by words. Do you know how they overcome it? They cried. Every. Single. Night. because no one is willing to hear their problems, to be there to give advice, or even lend a shoulder to cry on.

Another thing is, I don't understand my parents. Or maybe they don't understand me. Why? They always mad at me because I don't really spend time with them and I always lock myself in my room. But do you know? Do they ever ask me why I do that? NO. 'Cause when I try to talk to them, the very first sentence that will come out from their mouth is How's school? How's school?? Did they just ask me how's school???? If I could, I would tell them every single details about my problems at school but then Have you done studying? I bought you exercises books not for your room display okay and there goes my feet stepping annoyingly toward my room. Can you see that?

Wait what? Boyfriend? Heh. Can't even get myself a best friend but now we're talking about boyfriend? Yeah, right. I'm too easy to be tricked on, to be cheated on. They came, and they left. They thought that my heart is just like a fucking toy. You play and treat them with full of care, but when you got a new one, they just throw you away, not caring a shit. Hey, it wasn't my fault to be in love with them. And it wasn't their fault to be stupidly attracted to me. Shit happens, dude. But the one who always cry and heartbroken would always be me.

I don't write craps. This is the real me. This is my story. I'm just an author to the book of my life. I write memories, I write my thoughts, I write everything that happens around me. My problem is, I need to open a new book. I need to forget and erase all the memories that I've wrote. I need to be myself. I need to move on. Yeah, one day soon. I just hope I can close this old book and keep it safely in my heart.... or maybe not.

***

Sorry cos I didn't update with raya photos like what I promised in my last post. Promises are meant to be broken. Hah! Whatever. I'm just not in the mood today. My friends told me that they will raya together from one house to another so I was like "yeah my mom even suggested that you guys should come to my house" but they were like "uhh we will go to the other houses first but we can't confirm whether we go to your house or not" "i dont really understand the plan but oh well it's okay tho if you don't wanna come. i don't care. up to you guys." "let me make it clear. 10 am we will gather at nad's house and then we will start bla bla bla bla faham?" Seriously are you mad??? I just said that I didn't understand how the plan goes but she sent me the text like she was fucking mad at me for saying like that. Well fuck me, huh? All the rights go to her and all the wrongs come from me. Just great. I was just hoping for them to come to my house as well because my mom didn't get the chance to talk with them on last year's raya and also, I haven't once join them raya together because no one even bothers to INVITE me to celebrate raya with them before this. It's okay tho. Like what I said just now, no one really cares about me.

:)

Atiqah; a 15-year-old bastard. She stays in Johor Bahru. She studies at SMK Ulu Tiram. She wants to be a photographer in future. Her life is pretty much ruined by kpop. Likes to read english novel and watch horror movies. BIGBANG's Seungri probably had took over her heart (not that she complains about it tho).

She is not a good person. She is bad. She likes to judge people but she hates being judged. She also hates when people can overcome her smartness. Yeah, she is a competitive girl, in a nice way. She is a person that is hard to accept fates. She is just a normal human being, who doesn't have a strong heart.

She starts blogging since 2008 (more like the year she starts writing crap entries, heh). Had used and changed a lot of URLs before this. And she used to be known as Ae-cha.

She likes editing. She posts her edits on her tumblr. She had made over 400 graphics till now. She is known as seungriwaifu; the girl who loves and adores Seungri that much (bleurgh). She starts posting her artworks since 2011. She doesn't really know the people that always appear on her dash but she still likes their editing style. She hopes she can be one of the favourite editors on tumblr.

In her family, she is the eldest among the 4 siblings. She is pretty tall, her height is 161cm, and she is pretty fat as well. Uhm... let's not mention her weight shall we? Anyway, she likes to stay in her room. Laptop, foods and trashes are the main stuffs that can be found in her room. But the weird thing is, her room doesn't even smell stink. Cool right?